Carpe Diem

Seize the day.

Today, my mother, a 12 year survivor of breast cancer, had a biopsy for skin cancer cut off of her chest; my son's grandmother, who's like a mother to me, was admitted to the ER for an infection from her feeding tube. She's been battling lung cancer with everything she's got...and then some, for the last 8 months. And, her granddaughter, a 6 year old little girl, who is practically my niece, lays in a hospital bed tonight awaiting a cancer biopsy tomorrow from her lung and arm.

?????

I'm a Christian. I believe in God. I believe in Heaven and Hell. I know He gave me my 3 beautiful, awesome kids... But I don't understand the rest. Why these women? Why that little girl? She is so awesome-ly cool! Why does she have to go through this when there's kids killing their parents, other kids and robbing or looting...? Why does this child have to suffer, when all she's done is inspire humongous giggles and infectious laughter??

She didn't do anything to anyone, and wouldn't! Her warm smile can light up a room with just a flicker of a grin, and can take you from pissed to blissed in sixty seconds! Her laughter sounds better than smooth Jazz on a summer night! There's nothing anyone could say to make me believe this baby deserved this.

I don't understand why God would strike a family twice?? But it's not for me to question Him. He has his reasons and who am I to question His all-knowing plan?

That doesn't mean I have to agree with Him.

I really REALLY hate cancer. I'd like to punch it in its ugly stupid face!! It's not fair and "it" doesn't care. Why do the good people always get f*ucked and the bad get everything?!

Why can't for ONCE the good guy win???

A good friend of mine and her husband are also fighting an up-hill battle. Not with cancer, but still just as life-threatening. They're awaiting a kidney transplant and doing everything they can to raise money and awareness. They are, plain and simple, good people and do not deserve to be dealing with this.

Still newlyweds, they should be building their life together and planning their family. Instead, they're dealing with doctor appointments, fundraisers and transplant lists. They don't drink, smoke or use drugs. Either one of them would give you the shirt off their back or their very last dollar, if you needed it...without question.

How fair is that??

I'm so angry!! I want to hit something! It's not right! These people are good, honest people. It doesn't make sense!

All day, every day, I listen to a hundred different reasons why this customer or that customer doesn't want to or thinks they shouldn't have to pay their bill, and why they should get a credit to their account for their used services. And the whole time....these incredible, giving people are dealing with something so much bigger than the "almighty dollar"....

Life.

And no matter how it's handed to them, they greet it head on and with a smile. Moment to moment, these people are "seizing the day."

And the thing is? Not one of them has asked 'why me.' They haven't complained, fussed or fought...they just accept it and take another step...

...simply awesome...

I'm not so sure I could do that. But they keep going. They play the hand Life dealt them, and still find reasons to smile and push forward. They're living their life the best way they know how.

They live the life God gave them. The same life He is trying to take.

I am humbled. I am awed.

Carpe Diem.

Life isn't about what you have. It's about how you live it and what you do with it.

"Seize the day."

The Stranger I Know

It's been a rough month. But, I am proud to say I have not shed one tear over him. Nor will I.

A good friend of mine just changed her status on Facebook to single. I don't have a relationship status. Never have. One, I'm a private person and don't like to display my life; but the main reason is my family did not approve of my choice in "significant other" and neither did my friends.

And they were right.

I am very upset over the recent turn of events. More angry than upset, which makes it very easy to walk away. Apparently, not only is this guy an asshole, but he's a heartless coward too. How do you steal money from your own mother's cancer benefit and be able to sleep at night?? And he can't lie his way out of this one. It was caught on tape.

That was the cherry on my shit-sundae.

I feel like I've wasted 6 years of my life. My eyes are finally open. It's pretty bad when his own sister said that I deserve better than her brother. And his other siblings agreed with her. Even his mother...

This past month, he has changed so much. I have no idea who he is anymore. And, I have no desire to know, or be with, a person who would do that to his own mother. Twice.

I'm better than that. No more.

Even the good times that I remember, and still had with him up to Friday night, cannot make up for the damage he's done in this last month. He has fucked himself several times over. And his biggest loss??

Our son.

So, go ahead, Damon, get your drugs, have your fun, and steal from your family and what few friends you do have. In the end, you will be alone and no one will give a shit.

You've busted everyone's "give a damn."